She’s hot. She’s smoking. She’s your … buddy. Just the sound of it makes you wince. You have a solid friendship and you don’t want to lose that. But every time you see her, you can’t stop imagining her lying in bed rubbing baby oil all over herself.
You know what I’m talking about. She’s that girl who tells you about how great sex was with some guy who hasn’t called her in three days. You saw this same guy hitting on a waitress last night at a pub. You halfheartedly reassure her that there are other guys out there. But you think to yourself, “YO! Right here, live and in person, A MAN!”
You’re not in love with her. Well, at least you haven’t thought about names for the kids. You have fun with her and you want to take that fun to the next level. So what do you do when you’re attracted to a friend who appears to have no sexual interest in you?
Welcome to the Hell that is being human.
The question is, can we share our feelings without damaging the friendship? Let’s face it, if the answer was easy you would be knockin’ boots right now instead of reading this article.
If you don’t go for it, some other guy will. You may be left to contemplate an eternity consoling her when HE disappoints her. On the other hand, if you plow ahead there are many possible outcomes. You might get laid! But you might get anger or tears. She may refuse to see you again. Or paralyzing discomfort between the two of you may ruin your friendship. If a negative result will drive you screaming into the nearest monastery, pining away in silence may be the right choice for you.
Before you throw in the towel, do your homework. Find out what she wants in a man. Don’t interrogate her. Instead, ask open-ended questions and let her fill in the details. For example, I once asked a hot babe, “Why do many women find Jean-Luc Picard so sexy?”
Most guys are really mystified by this because – well, let’s face facts – the man is old, bald, and pale. Many women see beyond these qualities, however. They may be attracted to leadership, courage and dedication more than appearance. Then again, others are attracted to glistening pecs.
Asking questions can help, but take a moment to look around. If she has a signed Fabio poster on the bedroom wall, easily viewed from the bed, maybe you should think about renewing your gym membership … and actually start using it. Also if she’s attracted to strong, assertive men and you are the sensitive and caring type, you may have to be content with the friendship you already have.
But let’s suppose you believe you’re the right man for the job. Why isn’t she tearing your clothes off? Feeling clueless? You’ve read all the back issues of Cosmo. What gives!?
Knowing how she sees you would really help. Unfortunately, if there is one thing that guys are terrible at, it is seeing ourselves through the eyes of others. This may be an important skill to develop if you want to avoid a future attack of the dreaded “Let’s be friends.”
But in the meantime, if you have too little emotional ambition and right brain energy to tackle this feat of personal growth; you can draw confidence from your belief that you’re the right man for her. If so, take the next step anyway.
If you’re ready to face the risks, tell her how you feel. Just do it. Approach her in a manner and place that will lend itself to a good discussion. Don’t be impish either. Say what you feel and then don’t keep bringing the subject up over and over again. Give her as much time as she needs to search her own feelings. And be prepared to live with her decision. Brooding and moping are turn-ons for about one billionth of the population. So keep smiling.
In the end there is only one important thing to remember about friendship and the hot babe: honesty! Be honest with yourself about what you want. And, if you really care about the friendship, be honest with her. I’ve never heard of a real friendship suffering when honesty is practiced.
Good luck with your hot babe!