A couple of weeks ago, a girlfriend came to me with a serious question: she wasn’t having sex with her boyfriend. Not that she was with anyone else, but the fact that there was no sex was frustrating.

Like most other local ladies, this friend of mine was a nymphomaniac; she just didn’t want to seem like a slut because she was too eager for it. It’s strange, despite all the hype on equality, when it comes to sex, a guy can ask for it and be called virile.

A girl, on the other hand asks for sex and she’s well, easy. But no matter what gender, we all share a common problem: how to ask for sex, and when to ask for it.

Asking for sex isn’t exactly easy, unless you’re one of those people that just reek of overwhelming confidence. What do you say? Despite all the Mastercard ads that ask for blowjobs after dinner, most people aren’t smooth enough to do that. If it’s a one night stand, it’s more or less a matter of “Your place or mine?”

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Usually, asking the other person if he/she wants to come over, with a suggestive look. But there are the slightly more dense people, who don’t understand that an invitation to a nightcap, or watching a video at your place is really an invitation to jump him/her. What’s not to understand? And even worse, how soon should you ask for it?

First date sex is probably a no-no, unless the person concerned is an idiot and just looks good, and not at all relationship material. And if the person concerned is good in bed, you might want to make person concerned a regular event in Intercourse: the Play, which hopefully has a climax of some sort. Second or third date sex is probably ideal if you’re not planning on anything very serious. The fourth date, however, does sound optimistic.

Not that four is some very mystical, or special number, just that usually by the fourth date, you’ve spent some time getting to know each other and to decide if you want to choke yourselves on each others’ neuroses, and it’s a good time to take the car for a test drive. That way, if you get lousy mileage, you can still leave the car at the dealer and go shop around. And if you wait tooo long, you can’t get a good deal anymore.

Of course, the next problem is, what kind of sex are you going to have? Since I’m a fan of oral intercourse, I really encourage communication. Tell your date what you want, and try not to make any special requests, at least not on the first time. In fact, special requests should really wait a couple of months at least, unless you want your fetishes known to the rest of the human population in the time it took for your date to decide not to see you ever again.

So ladies, next time a date asks if he can “come in for a while”, don’t ask why, just either point the direction to the boudoir, or just say no. And guys, if you ever have a girl offer to cook for you at her place, keep a condom ready, just in case.

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