Katie O’Brien was thinking about it and have you noticed that Italian men (mostly) always find the need to point out the fact that they are Italian…

hey, I'm italianRegardless of its relevance to the situation… the fact that they are Italian is ALWAYS the answer. I was talking to a guy online one time, and I had not seen a picture of him.

He asked me if I was as good looking in person as I was in my picture. So, I asked him if he was good looking at all…

His answer: “I’m Italian”…

That was it.

I waited a few minutes for him to elaborate, thinking he was maybe typing a description or looking for a picture, or SOMETHING… But no. He was Italian. That was all.

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“Okay… That’s not what I asked.”

“Well, of course I’m good looking. I’m Italian.”

“Well, you don’t all look alike.”

“I know, but Italians are hot.”

Hmmm… I stopped talking to him after that. I forgot that being “Italian” was God’s code for “hot”. I’ve seen some VERY unattractive Italians… Quite a few of them actually.

Maybe God messed up on those ones. It wasn’t like we were talking in a romantic or sexual way, but damn dude… when people ask me what I look like, I don’t say “I’m Irish,” and expect you to know exactly what I look like…

Anyway, another example. I was hanging out with some friends and we were all out dancing… A guy that I know was kinda standing back, but was still mixed in with everyone, so I went and asked him if he danced…

His answer? “I’m Italian.”

Uhh… okay… is that a yes or a no? I guess Italians can’t dance because he never danced with ANYONE all night. And I’ve never seen him dance.

Another time, I was hanging out with a bunch of friends and we were playing a drinking game… One of the guys yelled out “I’m ITALIAN (yes, that needs to be in all caps because that’s how he said it) so I can drink you ALL under the table!” Hmmm…

Look dude, you can have the “I’m sexy, because I’m Italian.” You can have the “I can/can’t dance because I’m Italian” (even though, don’t mostly black men use this one? That bugs me too now that I think about it…. I have most DEFINITELY seen black men that can’t dance).

You can have the “Italian stallion”. You can have the “I’m good in bed because I’m Italian,” (which I would know nothing about). You can even have the “I have a big penis – I’m Italian,” (again, I know nothing about – and for the record, black men use this too… which on that note, my mom works as an RN and says that’s a total lie… apparently they come in all sizes too – including miniature). BUT… You CANNOT have “I will drink you under the table – I am Italian!”

I’m IRISH, you Italian prick, and I will drink you under the table ANY day. THAT belongs to us. And on that note – I also get to keep “I have a bad temper – I’m fricking Irish”. I WILL make your life miserable if I feel the need.

I am a WOMAN.

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