tips on finding a date

Sad? Single? Lonely? Don’t be a loser all your life. your cut-out-and-keep guide to how not to stay single…

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Proving hard to locate that special someone? Do what the Californians do, and set some goals. Nita Tucker’s How Not To Stay Single claims to have an "amazingly successful formula". Lovers & Thinkers goes in search of guidance…

1. COME OUT OF THE CLOSET

A) List all the reasons you have used to justify why you don’t have a relationship. For example: "There aren’t enough single women." It should be clear that these excuses just cover up your fear there is something wrong with you.

B) List all the reasons why you are embarrassed about wanting to be in a relationship. For example: "It means I’m desperate".

C) Write an essay entitled Why I Want a Relationship.

D) Tell five friends that you’re looking for a relationship.

2. STOP WISHING AND HOPING

A) Choose a support partner, ideally another person who is looking for a relationship. Your support partner must be someone who is willing to get tough with you if that’s what’s needed.

B) Write an essay about what makes your "ideal relationship".

3. BE A GREAT CATCH

A) Smile and say hello to 25 people a week. You’re going to have to go to places where you will see members of the opposite sex. You can spot people to smile at while standing in line at the bank or the post office, in an elevator, or at the dry cleaner or carwash.

B) Assess your appearance and wardrobe. Use the Appearance Checklist below to evaluate which aspects of your appearance – hair, skin, teeth, clothing, eyewear, facial hair – are working for you and which aren’t.

appearance checklist

4. GET OUT THERE

A) Learn some ice-breaking questions. For example:

"Would you like to be famous?"

(If they are famous) "What do you like/dislike about being famous?"

"To what extent do you feel your actions as an individual can affect social change?"

B) Respond to a personal ad.

C) Write a personal ad. If you don’t get many responses, don’t take it personally. Write another.

D) Get a date. Ask as many women out as necessary until one of them accepts.

5. GET USED TO REJECTION

6. ADJUST YOUR ATTITUDE

A) Interview two happily married couples about their relationships.

B) Make a relationship collage. You’ll need poster board, glue, scissors and a pile of magazines. Go through the magazines and cut out images and words that illustrate what you want in a relationship (you may want to refer back to the "ideal relationship" essay you wrote in Step 2). Make a collage out of these images and any other items – photographs, drawings, meaningful objects – you would like to include. When you’re finished, show your collage to your support partner and explain to her or him what the images represent to you. You may then want to hang it somewhere in your home as a source of inspiration

7. PLACES TO MEET PEOPLE

supermarkets
women’s shops
cosmetics counters
AA meetings
car washes
religious services
the zoo (many single parents go there with kids)
singles’ dinner groups
eat breakfast out alone
near business places

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