Tips on being a wingman

Wingmen can be worse than competition if you don’t know your role. Supporting each other will garner men better responses from women than competing ever will…

In the world of dating, “Wingman” is an honorable role. But it first must be understood. Though obvious, many don’t realize when they have a wingman, that they’re also someone else’s wingman. Never underestimate the advantages a wingman brings.

Sure, you have to be competitive, but also celebrate your wingman’s success. It is often missed that, when you have a wingman, your potential success with the opposite sex increases incredibly. When gaming, being on solo mode is normal, expecting our wingman to pop in sometimes to back us up. But there is more in wingmaning than that, my friends…

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Disadvantages of the bad wingman
While playing normally, one of the most known subjects is approach anxiety, something that we all fight against at the onset. Until you have experience, the “what ifs” won’t fade. Even afterward, they’re there, but the perspective that has changed. You realize that even the worst scenario is not as bad as you imagine.

This anxiety fades while we are warming up. Those warming up situations, or “sets,” (which we care little about the outcomes of) really seem easier. Everything also flows more lightly when we are new, and learning the landscape. There’s no pressure, we are just trying something new.

What if all of our sets where warming up sets? What if every single one of the sets that we open is just practice? One of the most difficult things to overcome as wingmen is to mute that voice in our heads that says, “All the girls belong to me”. You can feel that sometimes, at the beginning.

But with some time on the field, you’ll come to realize that a good wingman is worth a thousand girls. Nightly success becomes a constant, knowing your team makes it easier. Trusting your team is inestimable, and getting your wingmen to trust you is as good as the “pscht” sound from opening a can of beer after a tough Friday at work.

Most rookies don’t realize that there are competitors everywhere. Some are competent, some not, and some truly incompetent. If we add to all of this a competition against your allies, then just lean back and enjoy the chaos, because that is exactly what we get. When competing against your allies there is something subtle going on that men won’t realize, but it is evident to women.

Two wingmen competing for the same target is sometimes imperceptible for them. For the larger group it can be perceptible. But to the target, it’s more than obvious. Women have a sixth sense about when a guy is hitting on them. This may be mainly because we evolved competing for the same girl over eons. In the past, if one noticed competitors, the best way to keep his investment safe was to crush their heads with a rock. This lead to generations of guys trying to avoid being hit by a massive rock, spear or bullet.

Parallel to this, women evolved ways to counter-engineer man’s subtle cues, to be able to notice accurately if a guy was hitting on them. Thousands of generations later, they see this as clear as water, while we men may not. Competing for a girl is ok while you are solo. But when you are competing against one of your buddies, women’s instinct plays against us.

Your social circle is very, very important. Suppose we have two study subjects. “A” just found a target and spent the last three minutes talking about how cool his social alignments are, and merges his target into his social circle. Suddenly “B,” guided by his instinct, spends his time hitting on her. Initially, “A” is not sure if it’s happening, but as interaction develops, “B”´s intentions become clear.

All along, the woman knew that she was being hit on by “B.” For damage control, “A” takes his target away. But he has already lost loads of value to the target by simply not having a reliable social group. “B,” on the other hand, will lose value just by being the jerk that back-stabs his friends. It’s a lose-lose situation. There are many situations with similar outcomes. This is the crux: you are a team. This is not a solo effort.

One of the classic ways to be the Alpha Male of the Group (AMOG, thank you Tyler Durden) is by letting the current AMOG talk a bit with the target so you let him create all the attraction for you. Afterward, you get between the AMOG and your target and ignore the AMOG. His value drops to zero while yours rises like crazy.

But how do we apply this on wingman theory?

While in an emotional state its hard for a woman to ascertain where value comes from, especially if someone else takes over a situation and leads it. We all know how much girls love leaders. While playing solo, you have to fill every space in that time line, you have to run your routines one after another and then lean back and see what happens. But who said that there had to be just you running them?

Cool Conservation Theory.
Imagine as James Bond talks to a girl, he suddenly says, “So I’m jumping from this building to one that was next to it, and out of nowhere some guy just started shooting at me.” Okay, the example was lame. But note: we have heard, not one single time, James Bond talking about what he does. We hear him speak of wines while he is ordering at a fancy restaurant, but never about that trip taken to France to learn everything about wine. He keeps his cool.

Here comes the million-dollar question: How do we get to project value and coolness without the Omega watch, the tailor-made suit or the Aston Martin? The million dollar answer: leave it to your wingman! While he’s making all the hard work for you, telling stories about how cool you are, how his family loves you, and the time you saved his life, the effect is a subtle but stronger type of gaming. In the mean time, you are doing the same thing for him with his target.

Defenses go down because you have cool friends, you’re not trying to sell yourself or be the cherry on everyone’s sundae. You happen to have cool friends and even better, it conveys that, as wingman, you not only have great social alignment, but you will convey a lot of value. You have resources that you can share with women and their friends.

Do you need someone’s approval? Not really, you have enough friends, cool friends, and you want everyone to know how cool they are. Do you need girls? Not really. You have girls in your life, but there’s a friend of yours who’s cool as you are and might interest some of the girls you just met. He has a cool friend as well, who just happens to be you.

To be great, be a great wingman.


ART: The Wingman Graphic Novel by Sean Patrick O’Reilly, Jay Shore and Asta Gunn. Wingman follows the adventures of two best friends, Hank and Max, whose main mission in life is picking up women. Hank, more confident and good looking than Max, is the stud of the two while Max is mostly relegated to wingman status. One day, lightning (literally) strikes and alters Hank’s chemistry such that he’s no longer able to pick up women. However, women now find any man within a few feet of Hank irresistible thus Max instantly goes from Wingman to Cassanova. Hank and Max both struggle in handling this role reversal on their way to finding true love. The novel comes out Sept. 2011 and has the potential to become a best seller.
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